Friday, February 8, 2013

Disquiet

I woke up in pain, again, this morning.  My jaw is screaming because I spent the night grinding and gnashing my teeth.  My inner turmoil is boiling out in all kinds of ways this week.  For it has been a little more than week since we got the news.  The news is that the Christian School that Zippy attended until this year is closing at the end of this school year.  This is not unexpected news.  We've seen the train in the distance for years.  Student enrollment has steadily declined from almost 100 when Zippy was in kindergarten to only 34 students this year.  We knew this was coming, so why, why am I having such a hard time with this?

It looks like the pre-school part of the school, where the Little Dude goes may be staying open.  I sent him this year, although I knew he was not quite ready because I wanted him to have this pre-school teacher in his life, even for just a little while.  We knew this was coming.  I should be joyous that the pre-school is staying open, so why do I feel such disquiet?

Many of the parents at the school are having a hard time with this decision.  Other parents want to commiserate the loss of the school.  Am I responsible for this loss, because I chose to remove my child?

 I am not, not, not regretting the decision to remove Zippy.  Home is absolutely the best place for her to learn.  There was no intention to send her back. But here is the thing, even though I know that it was not for Zippy, this school was still a wonderful place for many, many students.  I poured my heart out into this school serving in every way possible.  Several years ago, when I was a member of the school board I gave a presentation to the parents and supporters of the school, highlighting the good things about the school.  The one thing that stayed with me from that presentation was this school produced students that possessed a hard to describe quality.  Call it character, responsibility, respect, or some combination of them all, but it allowed them to stand out in high school and in life.  Am I mourning the fact that this is gone?

I have a onesie that I got from the Little Dude's baby shower. It says "future student" of this Christian school. I am still mulling over the decision to homeschool or send him to school.  We have at least a year until kindergarten, so I am not in the predicament many of the pre-school parents are in needing to decide right now.  The knowledge that our small, close-knit Christian school will not be a choice in that decision changes things.  We are still living in a season of change.  I believe this summer may be a time of testing and the biggest changes are still to come.  What decision will I make?

I must rely on the faithfulness of God.  It says in Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
There is no question of that.

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